Enlightenment

Enlightenment

By the time I attained adulthood, I was convinced about reasonableness of Marxism. I had become well acquainted with words like Dialectical Materialism, thesis-antithesis, unity and struggle of opposites, quantitative and qualitative change, but I was quite ignorant about the practical use of these words. Only use of these words was in participating in arguments with petty-bourgeois mentality and half-baked knowledge, and to remain adamant till end.

Completely unaware about form and content and development process of self, I spent next thirty years without any realisation how time was flying. Because of utility of Marxist logic during arguments on social issues with leftist friends and in finding solution to personal problems, I continued to have a lively relationship with Marxism. After marrying away both children I thought I have fulfilled my responsibility. I had taken retirement from professional activities and during last thirty years for all my responsibilities towards all friends and relatives I had depended completely on Poonam and which she had been discharging so perfectly that I felt that in personal arena there is nothing left for me to do.

When accounted for last thirty years, my conscience pricked, 'what life have I lived, taken much much but repaid very little.' When assessed the economic-political-social environment, I realised everyone is fed up with the situation but can not visualise an alternative. Why is the Marxist theory, with which I have been so enamoured since my student days and which I have always found useful in finding solution for my personal problems, not been able to provide common people with an alternative? When I tried to figure out I found that the communist party vouching for that ideology is split into umpteen different forms, and leaders and followers divided into more than forty fragments don't even know as to which form of Marxism or Socialism is correct. Who is going to suggest the alternative to the common man? Many a right or left revised edition of Marxism is so much rife in the left consciousness that there is hardly any ground visible for the development of proletarian consciousness. While endeavouring to find a role for myself in this milieu, Lenin's famous pamphlet 'What is to be done?'' came to my mind, in the preface of which, warning against the revisionist trend permeating the left movement in Russia, he had written, 'we can make no progress until we have completely put an end to this period.'

Inspired by Lenin's advice organised Society for SCIENCE so that correct understanding of Marxism could be developed through discussions among socially conscious intellectuals. During these discussions it became clear that the understanding of the philosophical aspect of Marxism is completely missing among all the established left thinkers, economists, philosophers and writers claiming to be Marxist. Completely ignorant about the content, they take the form as the inner kernel, and in the literature that is being produced in the name Modernism and Post-modernism, discussion is limited only up to revolutionary practice, and discussions on theoretical content are not even visible. With this misconception neither can the proletarian consciousness be understood nor can any alternative be explored. After this realisation, with the objective to develop and share the philosophical aspect of Marxism, three years ago I started publication of Marx Darshan in Hindi. After translating many articles of Marx, Engels and Lenin, discussing their interpretation and writing many of own articles, I felt my understanding of Marxism has become thorough.

The theory about which Lenin had said," The Marxist doctrine is omnipotent because it is true. It is comprehensive and harmonious, and provides men with an integral world outlook irreconcilable with any form of superstition, reaction, or defence of bourgeois oppression", and the theory and the knowledge based on that theory about which Marx himself used to say, 'Whatever I have written there is nothing new, it is the collective knowledge of the human society accumulated over centuries', basis of that knowledge is the 'Scientific Outlook' which Karl Marx recognised as the innate property of proletarian-consciousness, apropos to material-social-consciousness of the proletariat class. During last ten years after my renaissance, I had become fully convinced about omnipotence and omni-relevance of that theory and knowledge, but there was one query, answer to which I was not able to figure out. I could understand the source of scientific outlook of intellectuals like me, but from where could the worker get that consciousness and scientific outlook was beyond comprehension, and I had an uneasiness within.

On 9th May 2013 I have returned from 40 days long sojourn abroad, and my intellect is brightened up by the light of new knowledge. The itinerary was finalised last year with the invitation of Poonam's niece's marriage. Large number of family members and friends living in America, Canada, England, Germany and Austria had been insisting that Poonam and I must spend some time with them. (Howsoever distant the relative might be, for Poonam he or she was always a family member, and for the relative it was impossible to remain untouched with this sentiment.) We had not many of them for years, and few of them even in decades. But everyone for certain had fond memories of those few moments which they might have spent with Poonam years or even decades ago. In these forty days whatever I saw, heard and felt, it cleared all the clouds of ignorance which all these years had deprived me of the dawn of wisdom after my renaissance.

With in the feudal economy and patriarchal society of Bundelkhand, in a backward city like Jhansi the atmosphere in our affluent family was significantly different from that in the family of all other relatives and friends. In spite of the presence of many servants in the house, my mother would not only do all her personal work herself but will extend helping hand to the servants in the kitchen and other household work, and will eat herself only after feeding all the servants or with them. In spite of all the affluence, needs of my mother were very limited and she was always satisfied with very little, always ready to help others physically, mentally and materially. And for my father will of my mother used to be above everything else. Some times under the influence of male psyche or ego, if he would take a decision against correct stand of my mother, I never saw him hesitating in accepting his mistake after some time. My father was a mathematician and philosopher besides being a successful lawyer and always encouraged me to put forward my viewpoint and logic. Bringing up by parents, progressive in practice, imbued me with the yearning for studying and understanding about socialism and Marxism.

After completing engineering education at I.I.T. Delhi, I was extremely happy to have found, as desired, an educated and extremely beautiful wife in Poonam. Everyone was enamoured by her celestial beauty. With in few days Poonam won everyone's appreciation and admiration. During family get togethers people would describe Poonam's beauty and behaviour and people would congratulate my mother for having a model daughter-in-law as per her wish.

But as one desire is satiated, a new one crops up, so I also started desiring that Poonam studied Marxism as I did and must participate in discussions over Marxism as girls in JNU and DU used to do. But Poonam had no interest in all this. Her ideal was my mother and the period of ten years before migrating to Delhi from Jhansi, Poonam utilised living with my mother and assimilating all her qualities.

Life went on smoothly amidst the educated and affluent class, with high education for career and a perfect wife like Poonam to live with, and I did not notice how thirty years passed in upbringing of the two children. Poonam and I were a unique example of unity in diversity. I was a declared atheist and Poonam's day started with ablution and worshipping in her temple with in the precinct of the house. In all rituals I had to participate with Poonam as her husband which I did gladly and that was enough for Poonam. Division of labour was also clearly demarcated. Whether it was a friendly get together or a family function, discussion on social issues was a must for me while during that period Poonam would be interested in satiating the taste buds of the guests with different tasty preparations. If I ever complained to Poonam why, with so many servants, she preferred to keep herself occupied with in the kitchen, her answer would be, "For discussions You are there, and the food will not be prepared on its own." And if I said that servants are there, then Poonam would render me speechless with her answer, "Guests are ours and not of servants." (I did not understand delitescent idea with in these words which I have understood now.)

In the family and social environment Poonam and I were complementary to each other and we were fully satisfied with our own and each other's way of life. If ever there was disagreement, then Poonam without any insistence would leave the matter to my sole discretion and would wait with this faith that in the end whatever I would do would be in the interest of everyone. And in the end I would invariably find that Poonam's view was correct. On every issue I always found Poonam with me. With my engineering education, capabilities and honesty, I was recognised among friends and relatives as a professionally and socially successful person and we both were happy with this recognition. In the journey of life there were occasions when I unknowingly would be drifting into the rat race for affluence. Poonam would not nudge me. But after some, with the change appearing in Poonam's behaviour, I would feel as if Poonam has slowly left my gently held arm saying, "This path is not ours. I would not be able to join you in this race." And Poonam without uttering a word would remind me my father's words that one who is not satisfied with little can not be satisfied with more. And this was the greatest support for our way of life.

Poonam was extremely popular among all friends and relatives and hospitality was Poonam's way of living life. After shifting to Delhi thirty years ago, Poonam had started the tradition of inviting on Rakshabandhan all brothers and sisters settled in Delhi (we do not use the word cousin), to our house to tie Rakhi collectively. In the beginning the number of brothers and sisters of two generations was limited to ten or twelve, which has now swelled to thirty-forty in three generations. Every member eagerly waits for the whole year to celebrate, as a festival in our house, the tradition started by Poonam thirty years ago. Poonam had in memory birthdays and wedding-days of dozens of friends and relatives and would never forget to telephone and wish them on time. The cake did get cut on children's birthday, but Poonam laid down the tradition of cake-cutting on every servant's birthday also.

Every visitor and guest used to be a family member for Poonam. She would be as careful about the likings of suddenly arrived visitor, as she would be about those of mine or her children. Poonam would remember very well what the guest, even rarely coming in years, liked to eat and what he did not like to eat. In the event of something being limited, it was as normal as breathing for Poonam to cut into my or children's share and would share with everyone. To take out her children's chocolate from the fridge and hand over to the guest child was as usual for Poonam as sharing anything of one of her child with another of her child. In the initial stage when we did not have a separate guest room in the house or an air conditioner in it, Poonam would gladly leave her bedroom for the guest. When I did not approve of this, Poonam would cajole me, "The guest is hungry for our love and affection and not for food. Whatever we do is only an expression of our feelings."

Poonam was fond of cooking different kinds of dishes, delicacies and sweets. Idli, Dosa, Utappam, Gattey, Rasanjey, Phale, Kadhi, Dhokla, Chhole-bhaturey, Pao-bhaji, Chat-papri, Dahi-bhalley, Aloo-tiki, Gol-gappey, Samosey, Kachori, Gujhia, Malpua, Gulabjamun, Rasmalai, Gajar-halwa, Mewa-laddoo, Gond-laddoo, Besan-laddoo, Thikua, Gulguley, Pua, Cheela, Cake, Caramel pudding, Soufflé, all these we ate cooked by Poonam, and rarely got an opportunity to eat cooked by servants or from the market. Often a new guest and a new request and Poonam would cook everything herself with full dedication, and for fifteen-twenty people. Not only for guests and family members but for all the domestic helps. Everyone appreciated Poonam's cooking skills and expressed surprise how year after year same taste and appearance, and shape and size identical, whether it is Dosa or Gattey or Gujhia, Malpua, Gulabjamun or Mewa-laddoo. I always wondered that Poonam would cook without measure, with estimation and still how could she do everything with such a perfection.

Poonam was very meticulous and used to have a keen eye on even the smallest thing, and everything small or big was always in Poonam's knowledge. Poonam knew all the time exactly as to what was the number of eggs or lemon or quantity of vegetables in the fridge. At any given time what was the number of Gulabjamuns or Laddoo in the store, Poonam's information was never wrong. Poonam knew exactly when my shaving cream or razed blades or undergarments were going to finish, and everything would be replenished before I could say anything.

Eating habits, attire, housekeeping, conduct in social interaction, for everything in her walk of life, everybody was all praise for Pponam's elegance and proficiency. But there was something which used to make Poonam uneasy, and that was, praise for her skills, hospitality or conduct or personal criticism of someone in her presence. In any such situation she would leave the meeting and engage herself in some other work. If ever I or our children talked to her about this she would say, "Praising someone in his presence is flattery. Praise is when done behind the back" and, "Angels don't live on this earth. Everyone is born good, in due course of life one becomes good or bad with the environment. We should be grateful to people that they gave us opportunity to become good."

Ever since I constituted Society for SCIENCE, some times when I criticise her religious faiths (which Poonam did not like), and would say that she should get rid of her blind faiths and must develop a scientific outlook, then Poonam would retort, "Let it go! You and your scientific outlook! You will hold the blade and switch on the mixer or hang the immersion rod outside the bucket." Poonam used to have even smallest thing in her focus. She did not know any thing about construction and internal mechanism of household equipments. I used to do minor maintenance of these equipments myself. Many a time it would happen that I would be stuck with something and would not be able to get out for long, then Poonam would correct me, " you are turning the screwdriver in the wrong direction, it will open the other direction" or "Put that one first only then this can go in place." Upon understanding I would irritate on my carelessness, why I was not able to see such a small thing for so long, and how could Poonam understand while she did not know a thing about the construction or maintenance of the equipments. One more thing which had impressed me immensely and that was her putting the thread through the eye of a needle, without so much as looking at the end of the thread or eye of the needle. I have never seen anyone putting thread into a needle in that manner. I do not know whether she had learned the technique from someone else or had worked out herself. She would hold the end of the thread and the eye of the needle between her index finger and the thumb in such a way that neither the end of the thread wold be visible nor the eye of the needle. Then she would slide the needle to the other side and when the needle came out on the other side the thread would be through the needle. Everything would happen within blink of an eye and in the first attempt. I never saw needing a second attempt.

Diabetes caught Poonam in the youth itself. In the beginning it was managed with oral medicines, for about last twenty years she had started taking insulin. But there was no change at all in her daily routine. Hospitality, entertaining friends and relatives, festivals, celebrations, marriage functions in the families of friends and relatives, on every occasion Poonam would be so much engrossed in it as if she did not have an independent identity of her own. She would completely forget that she was diabetic and doctors have instructed her to be strictly disciplined about her meal timings. Poonam used to be in the centre of every celebration and ritual and everyone looked to Poonam for everything small or big. If ever I objected and said that she should forget about guests and must pay attention towards her disease, she would, "Who is born with immortality?" And if I ever tried my other argument, "In between caring for guests you don't have time for me", Poonam will retort back, "Then tell me what I have to do?" and I would be rendered speechless. Even after searchingly I would not find anything which Poonam might not have arranged for me well in time or might not have fulfilled my wish well before time.

During last two-three years Poonam's health had started deteriorating rapidly because of which the routine of morning walk and watering the plants was getting hampered. She would get tired earlier. She could not work standing in the kitchen as long as before. Diabetes had started affecting all the organs, but Pponam's thinking, way of life and enthusiasm had not changed. Poonam' conduct did not give me an opportunity to realise that her life was slipping out of our hands. I was busy in collecting material for Marx Darshan or participating in seminars, completely oblivious to Poonam's deteriorating health.

Marriages of children of three relatives came in November 2011 and Poonam with utmost vigour was participating in various festivities for seven days and nights as if those were the marriages of her own children. She did not let anyone have an inkling about her deteriorating health. We had already planned to go to Gujrat after marriages. Poonam for long had desired to go on pilgrimage to Dwarkadhish and I wanted to go to lions safari at Gir forest, so in third week of December completed that programme also.

On return found that Poonam's blood pressure was very high. We had planned to go to Thailand in the third week of January, so thought to have her thorough checkup done. On further investigation it was found that her creatinine level has increased alarmingly as compared to what it was in October and we started preparing ourselves mentally for a situation of renal failure. Dialysis or transplant, both options were considered. In spite of difficulties, legal hurdles and risks, we chose the option of transplant because the way daily routine and movements would be hampered in case of dialysis, which would be required every alternate day, would not be conducive to Poonam's life style. Visit to Thailand was cancelled and Poonam was admitted into the hospital and operated upon for making fistula in the left hand so that in case of emergency if dialysis was required it would make things easier.

After operation Poonam had grown very weak. Restrictions on food were increased. But there was no change in Poonam' daily routine worshipping after ablution and working in the kitchen for some time. What is the position of provision in the kitchen was in her knowledge all the time. Hospitality to suddenly arrived guests was still being done in the same old way, only difference that occurred was that Poonam started depending more on servants. Cooking vegetables for herself or cooking some selected delicacies she would still do with her own hands.

Weekly blood test became routine. Process for finding kidney donor and getting legal permission for transplant was also started. With sudden change in Poonam's sodium and potassium levels at the end of February 2012, dialysis became inevitable and on 28 February 2012 Poonam underwent her first dialysis. Poonam gladly accepted twice a week dialysis as part of the routine of her life. With in few days Poonam earned the recognition as the most pleasant, social, calm and disciplined patient in the dialysis centre.

There is a saying that misfortunes never come alone and that is what exactly happened with Poonam. On 1 March I was suddenly taken ill and after examination it was found that my gallbladder and left kidney have problems and both would have to be taken out. I was admitted into the same hospital in which Poonam was undergoing her treatment. The month of March passed in various investigations, three small/big operations and removal of gallbladder. Removal of left kidney with four small/big operations and struggling with post operative infection took away whole of April. After dialysis, staying back in the hospital during my stay in the hospital and subsequently at home, to take my care during my recuperation had become Poonam's first priority. But in the morning worshipping after ablution and then spending sometime in the kitchen was still part of the daily routine. With in few months legal formalities were completed and arrived November. Hospital gave date for operation after Diwali. Poonam's health was deteriorating continuously still engaging herself in the kitchen for two days, Poonam like every year this year also prepared all the delicacies for Diwali with her own hands.

Operation was done successfully on 19 November 2012 and after six days Poonam was discharged from the hospital and we all were very happy that her body has accepted the new kidney. With doctors' satisfaction Poonam was also assured about her life. But after few days due to little fever Poonam had to be hospitalised again. During investigation it was found that there was infection in urine but the graft was functioning perfectly well and doctors assured that infection had come under control. Since 10 December Poonam was kept in ICU to save from infection. On 13th morning after eating breakfast with daughter's hands, Poonam suddenly had convulsions and went into coma. After detailed investigation it was found that Poonam is infected with CMV and the situation had become critical. After being in coma for three days Poonam breathed her last on the morning of 16 December 2012. All family members and friends were in shock. Slowly we all accepted the truth that Poonam was no more amongst us.

It was becoming extremely difficult for me to come to terms with Poonam's loss. I was developing reclusion. I was not seeing any reason for living. Material for Marx Darshan's third issue of second year (July-September 2012) was somehow prepared during Poonam's illness, proof reading was also almost over but could be sent for printing only in January. The decision for stopping publication of Marx Darshan had already been taken and there appeared nothing worth doing in the Society for SCIENCE also. The plan for the foreign trip on which I was to go with Poonam was also cancelled. I cancelled the plan, which was finalised in June, to attend a marriage in the end of January in Ahmedabad.

The children impressed upon that for my own physical and mental well being it was essential that I get out of the house and participate in the two marriages. All relatives in and out of the country were also insisting that I must not cancel my programme. Everyone had been waiting for so long to meet Poonam and me and now in the changed situation everyone had a keen desire to meet me. Considering everyone's wish I realised that Poonam's way of life was collective and not individual and if it were Poonam in my place she would not have cancelled the programmes of participating in marriages. I had seen after the death of her father, my mother, my father and my brother (all these people had been very very dear to her), how she had participated in family marriages as usual, concealing her deep sorrow. So, in January in Ahmedabad and in April in America, I participated in both the marriages and at both the places met many relatives and friends. Everyone, young and old, had something or the other to express about Poonam's conduct and way of life, which gave a new perspective to my understanding of human being and human society.

Those who had occasions to spend even a little time, they still remembered every detail how affectionately Poonam took care of their even the smallest liking. And those who did not get such an opportunity, they, from what they heard about Poonam's behaviour from others, had formed Poonam's image as that of a role-model house wife. They had in their minds Poonam's image as a perfect person because Poonam's that conduct which they themselves consider valuable for human relations and the society, even if they themselves may not be able to conduct in that manner. "Never heard Poonam uttering, knowingly or unknowingly, anything negative," or "Poonam was as beautiful from inside as she was from outside" these were the words which I heard many a time during these meetings. Poonam might not be present physically, but in ideas she was present in the memories of the people everywhere.

During forty years of married life, Poonam gave me every kind of happiness and even after leaving has presented me with the most precious gift of lifetime. During these forty days whatever I have seen and heard of in terms of the sentiments and expressions of people towards Poonam, it has cleared my that doubt about Marxism for which I was mentally perturbed and which I had not been able to clear in years on the basis of my bookish knowledge. In people's expressions I could see their feelings towards Poonam in the light of which I could see that inner core of Poonam's consciousness which I could not see during forty years of my living with Poonam. Everyone said there was no show off in Poonam's behaviour, whatever she did, was uncontrived and unconditioned, her conduct was inherent, there was no dichotomy between her thinking and practice. I was fully satisfied with Poonam's conduct but could not realise that Poonam's conduct was not her deliberate behaviour but was an expression of her subconscious. Her behaviour was her habit, materialisation of her core consciousness. Now in retrospect I find that sometimes in some function in the hose of  some  relative or friend when Poonam without any inhibitions  would get busy with the affairs as if it was her duty and right also, I would worry if the host or his near ones took an exception to Poonam's informal approach then she might feel insulted, but such thought did not even flash in any corner of her mind.

Marx had written, "Man can be distinguished from animals by consciousness, by religion or anything else you like. They themselves begin to distinguish themselves from animals as soon as they begin to produce their means of subsistence, a step which is conditioned by their physical organisation. By producing their means of subsistence men are indirectly producing their actual material life." "The production of life, both of one's own in labour and of fresh life in procreation, now appear as a double relationship : on the one hand as a natural, on the other as a social relationship."

Marx identified human society not as a mere collection of individuals but as a conscious organic formation whose form is ideological and which manifests through organisation of humans. According to Marxism to properly understand human-consciousness and social-consciousness, their content and form separately and their dialectical relationships will have to be understood. Human sub-consciousness and material-social-consciousness of the society are inner kernels and conscious part of human-consciousness and ideological-social-consciousness are superstructures.

According to Marxism proletarian class is the most advanced class of the society because the basis of its material-social-consciousness is based on scientific temper. Earlier I was unable to figure out where from does the proletariat get his scientific outlook. How and why does the non-scientific outlook of the workers changes into scientific outlook after they have lost everything. Individually most of the proletariat are extremely ignorant, superstitious, orthodox, god fearing, polytheist and hero worshippers, then who provides the scientific outlook to the material-social-consciousness of the proletarians collectively as a class.

After foreign jaunt my viewpoint about Poonam has undergone complete transformation and in the light of this transformed outlook towards Poonam's behaviour I have found answer to all my hitherto unanswered  questions. Earlier in some nook of my innerness there was some kind of vainness regarding Poonam, conceit of being the husband of a very beautiful, proficient, skilled and esteemed wife, the thought that Poonam's all this is owed to me and as my wife she is my absolute monopoly. And that probably Poonam also thinks like this that is why I am on top in her priorities. But now I know I was wrong. I was special for Poonam, but only in a limited arena, as Poonam's husband and father of the children. But the arena of life is so vast that neither Poonam's nor my life could fit into that limited arena. By identifying her personal interests with her social interests, Poonam had made her behaviour so magnificent that in its arena speciality of being husband or father of children had ceased to mean anything. Her behaviour had the capacity to satisfy everyone. In her arena there was no place for conflict of personal interests. Expression of people's emotions testify this. Everyone says, "Never heard anything negative from Poonam's mouth, nor she ever had time to listen to such things."

Poonam was the embodiment of this human consciousness that 'for the security and continuity of human life, identifying personal interests with collective interests is essential, and the basis of human life is production by human labour power.' Scientific temper and scientific outlook is founded upon this very truth of nature. At personal level this truth is revealed continuously during the production process and this social consciousness which is based on scientific outlook is that Marx named as 'Proletarian class-consciousness.

With proliferation of the productive forces, man starts producing more than consumption and accumulating and with this comes into existence private property and the family. Organisation of the family is the genesis of slavery of women. With ownership of the means of life, the man acquires control over woman's labour power also. And control on labour power of one by the other is what is the basis of slavery. With private property germinates the idea that the basis of life is means of production and not human labour power and with this myth starts pollution of scientific outlook. When widespread this very idea becomes the core of social consciousness and then it becomes the cause of unscientific-outlook of millions of men and women. Slaves, serfs, artisans, even natural scientists continue to be the carriers of this wrong concept because they, for personal interests, in some or the other form consider private property as the means of production and of life. 

Out of special family circumstances, thousands of women like Poonam, as exception, because of the very basic productive activity of cooking food in their kitchen, have been for ages continuing to be carriers of the concept that the basis of human life is human labour and social cooperation and not the physical goods, the worker recognises that concept when in capitalism after having lost everything he is rendered proletariat and to continue his living he is left with nothing except his labour power to sell.

I consider myself fortunate that I had the opportunity to live with such a wonderful person who throughout life continued lavishing happiness on all and sundry and in her death has gifted me with the knowledge for which I had been searching agonisingly for all these years. This my effort to share that knowledge with all others is my real tribute to Poonam.

Suresh Seivastava

9810128813

15, July 2013

(Author is president of Society for SCIENCE and chief editor of quarterly Marx Darshan